||[Jan. 14th, 2008|08:06 pm]
Mr. Molecule is able to concentrate!
I'll try to write in this thing more often.|
Even though I don't have a tangent off on which to go.
I can't believe I slammed my beloved cat's head in the door tonight.
I wailed, which scared her more than have her skull impacted.
She seems fine, if only a bit...sluggish...
She really wanted outside.
I've been seeing her for, i dunno, months?
I met her on the first day of the new americorps service year, so, 9/4/07, and I thought she might be Ahr Das, like Ram Das or Bhagavan Das. Turns out I wasn't far off.
Ardas means, ah,
Oh, hell yeah. SikhiWiki!
Well, she's a white girl from indiana named anna, who became 'Ardas' after being named by, ah, some yogi.
Now, to continue, I must explain that I am in a major transition period in my life, and this is being influenced by a number of factors, including the writings of Robert Anton Wilson, and the Pagan nudist ontological terrorists who've introduced me to his ideas.
Holy shit. "the acceleration" is still an incomplete thought, and here I go starting a new one. This is why I procrastinate my writing.
In a nutshell, Robert Anton Wilson (RAW) reveals quite skillfully that no one has ever directly interfaced with the "real" universe. We humans, being subject to the interpretations of the supposed "real" universe through only our nervous systems, aided by various mechanical instruments, have only our brains' "3D interactive model" of the universe to observe.
Therefore, there exists (hopefully) a "real" universe "out there" and a perceived universe "within".
I would love to go into detail, but I think I'll save it until I finish "the acceleration"
I have to present the concept of "reality tunnels" however. Basically, if we each live alone within our own unique "perceived universe", then no one can ever agree completely with anyone else. We each exist in our own reality tunnel, which is determined by major psychological imprinting, (I am cowardly or brave, dominant or submissive, smart or dumb, moral or immoral), more malleable psychological conditioning (alarm clocks make me fear repercussions of being late for work, hilary clinton's voice makes me cringe because of how many angry matrons have scolded me in my lifetime), and quite mutable learning (Oh, I thought fruits and vegetables were different, but now I know that all fruits are vegetables, ending the tomato dispute once and for all).
These conditions dictate which reality tunnel you might live in. One might live in a Nazi reality tunnel, or a christian reality tunnel. Maybe a vegetarian reality tunnel, or a reality tunnel where UFOs are spacecraft from other galaxies.
Point being, Ardas lives in a completely different reality tunnel than I, and this is increasingly apparent.
She's got less than an inkling of an idea of what a true monogamist's romance is, which completely floors me. I thought everyone knew what a monogamist relationship is.
But she's doing her best. Its extremely cute. She breaks up with me every couple of hours, but she always comes back with a revelation about monogamy that seems promising.
That's an exaggeration. But she has broken up with me and reconstituted the relationship several times within a single day before. That was last month. This month, she's only done it once. To me, that shows progress.
I'm writing this with the intention that she may read it someday and laugh.
We have shown an amazing potential to teach each other. We each seem to have exactly the lesson the other seems to need.
Before moving to washington from indiana in august, she had lived in a kundalini ashram for 4 years. There, she described the lifestyle as being health conscious and generally conscious, but being rife with social drama and subversive conflict.
"Kundalini yoga is bullshit," she says. She practices daily, but she means that it is an incomplete philosophy. One may become empowered through kundalini (as is the case with her. Phew!) but one will not become enlightened.
As I can imagine, men empowered through kundalini have no interest in monogamy, as they have actualized a deeply rooted male instinct: propagate at all costs! These men must be very powerful and attractive individuals, but are instable as long-term partners. This is the case with Ardas' experience.
I only desire stability, because progress can only be made in a stable environment. One may not build upon quicksand, as it were.
This concept is understood by Ardas in its theory, but seems so constrictive that she often finds herself apprehensive about its implications.
She often shares with me her revelations about monogamy. She seems excited to reveal things like, 'I was attracted to him, but I thought of you and decided I was happy with what I have!"
This is hilarious to me! I just live in such a different reality tunnel that I can only imagine what she must be going through.
She is an absolute natural existential philosopher. While not having considered it much in the past, she seems to take to the philosophy of existence as a duck to water. I believe that her extensive yoga experience has trained her to look within, and her natural Arien intelligence and sense of structure have paved her way.
She has taught me a great deal. As someone who has approached enlightenment from an equally flawed strategy, her knowledge of the metaphysical theories and energetics are linking into to my mental framework like legos.
I've been approaching an enlightened state though the exhaustion of my logical capacities and the forced elevation of my consciousness through experimentation with psychoactive chemicals. I lack the framework, or constitution of the nervous system, to sustain any elevated state.
Likewise, she may be able to sustain much higher levels of cognitive elevation, but her struggles with ego and fear (ego and fear are identical in my theory) restrict her progress and cause her doubt.
Anyway, she's coming over tomorrow night, so I'd better vacuum. She lives a 80 minutes away, so I only see her monthly or so.
We plan to go to a White Tantric Yoga seminar in march. I sure hope she doesn't break up with me before then!